PB&J
by titansfan1211
Summary: Artemis had many questions, but started with the simplest. "Sup?" "Yknow..." Dick trailed of, pulling at a loose thread in the carpet. "Life. Gotham. B-Man. You?" "Oh, you know, just entertaining a little gremlin that dropped into my room at 12am." - In which Robin accidentally gets very high and pays Artemis a late night visit.


It wasn't that he arrived via window that concerned her. It was that he knocked.

 _Is the window locked?_ Artemis thought to herself, rubbing at her eyes. _That's never stopped him before…_ She slid the window pane up and out of the way, and the lanky boy slipped through the window, sliding down onto the floor.

"Hey, Dick," she greeted, closing the window behind him.

"Hi."

Artemis' eyebrows scrunched together, head tilting slightly to the left. Something was up. She looked down at the boy wonder, sizing him up. When he realized she was staring at him, he shot a lopsided grin up in her direction.

Artemis had many questions, but started with the simplest. "Sup?"

"Y'know…" Dick trailed off, pulling at a loose thread in the carpet. "Life. Gotham. B-Man. You?"

"Oh, you know, just entertaining a little gremlin that dropped into my room at 12 am."

Dick started to stand up, "I didn't realize you had company over, Arty. My bad. I can go-"

Confused, she clarified, " _You're_ the gremlin, shorty."

"Ohhhh" he giggled. "That makes more sense."

Artemis stared at him, baffled. She was used to Dick climbing in her window at strange hours, whether to avoid Batman for a bit, or to show her a stupid youtube video, or to just sit in silence, and know the other was there. In all of their exploits, she had never seen him acting quite like this before.

She noted that he now was staring intently at the _Alice in Wonderland_ poster on her wall, head tilting slightly as he followed the circular black and white checked pattern in the background. _Maybe something happened with Batman? That always makes him act a little off…?_

"Ok, spill. What's your deal?" she demanded, sitting cross legged across from him.

"My deal? I just wanted to visit my favorite archer pal, that's all."

"At 3am?"

"What about it? You've visited me at stranger times." Whelp, he had here there. "Have you seen John Mulaney's new stand up?"

Artemis blinked at the sudden change in topics, but went along with it. "I have not." Dick just nodded in response. _Does he have a concussion or something?_ "... Do you wanna watch it?"

His face lit up like a puppy being thrown a bone. "Yeaaaaah." He lightly punched her on the shoulder. "Good idea, Arty."

Ok. This was getting too weird. It had to be a prank or something. She tried to catch his eye, and quickly realized that she couldn't make eye contact with him through his sunglasses. _Wait._ "Dick?"

"Hmm?" he turned to her, eyes wide.

"Why do you have your shades on?"

"To protect my secret i.d.?"

"Okay… but it's night time. And we're inside now."

"Oh. Yeah." He made no move to remove his glasses. On a hunch, Artemis made the move to remove them herself. One look at his pupils, and she dropped the glasses, giving in to a fit of laughter.

Dick stared at her as she rolled around on the floor. "Arty? What's so funny?" She kept laughing. "We haven't even started John Mulaney yet."

Stifling her laughter, she wiped a few tears from her eyes, then grabbed her friend's hands with her own. "Dick…" she began, "You're high as a kite, aren't you?"

His eyes widened in surprise at the accusation, then slowly, a smirk creeped onto his face, and he started laughing alongside her.

"Holy shit, Dick…" Artemis shook her head, "How… when…? Does Bruce know you're here?"

"Shhhhhh" he suddenly jumped forward onto his knees, putting his finger over Artemis' mouth. "Don't tell Batman."

"Ohhhh my God." Artemis ran a hand through her hair, still trying to grasp the situation. "Did you..? Is this your first..?" She reevaluated. "How did you get to this point?"

"Pinky promise you won't tell Batman?" he held out his hand expectantly. With a roll of her eyes, she complied.

"Pinky promise. _Now spill_."

Dick moved to whisper in Artemis' ear, despite no other humans being within earshot of their conversation. "Roy."

" _Roy?"_ she nearly choked. " _Roy_ got you high?"

"Well he didn't mean to. It was an accident. Don't get him in trouble."

Artemis held her arms up in defense, "Hey, I pinky promised, remember?" He nodded, satisfied. "But okay - how does one accidentally get another person high?"

Robin laid across the bean bag chair, head hanging over the side. He stared up at the ceiling as he spoke. "We went on patrol together, and then afterwards I went to his place to hang out. And I got hungry, but I used the wrong peanut butter."

"What do you-"

"He made a pb&j with cannabis infused peanut butter," Roy clarified, as he climbed through Artemis' window. "Didn't realize the mistake until he had eaten half a sandwich."

"And how much of that are you _supposed_ to consume at a time?" Artemis asked, arms folded.

"A spoonful or two." Roy rubbed at the back of his neck, having the decency to look apologetic. Seeing the look on Artemis' face, he defended, "Look, I figured the son of Batman would be smart enough not to consume peanut butter that came from a plastic baggie, but I guess I overestimated the kid."

"Excuse me, but Batman is NOT my dad," Robin piped in, raising his hand.

"Well why did _you_ have it in the first place?"

"I- well-" Roy sputtered, blushing red, "Wait. No. I don't have to explain myself to you. I'm just here to collect the boy blunder and bring him back to Star City so I can sober him up good as new before Bruce picks him up in…" he checked the clock, "eight hours - Jesus. Dick we gotta go."

"But we're gonna watch John Mulaney," Dick reminded with a pout.

"Dick-"

"I'll handle this," Artemis stepped in, crouching down in front of Dick. "Hey kid - you wanna go to Taco Bell?" His eyes grew as wide as saucers, a grin spreading across his face.

"Yeahhh! Let's go to Taco Bell!" He got up quite suddenly, searching around for his left shoe, which he had managed to lose at some point, humming under his breath.

"Artemis," Roy hissed, grabbing her arm, "How is this helpful?"

She shrugged her shoulders, gesturing towards their friend. "He's up, isn't he? Besides, he's so distracted I'm sure he'll forget all about it in a minute."

"Oh _really_?" Roy pouted, as he pointed back at Dick. "Listen to his little song."

Dick had indeed progressed from humming to singing. A basic tune, but with refined lyrics:

 _Taaaacos,_

 _Taaaacos,_

 _Roy and me are gettin' taaaaacos!_

Artemis just shrugged. "The kid's on a mission, I guess."

"A mission. Yes." Robin popped up between them, "Operation: Tacos Locos is a GO." He pulled on Roy's arm expectantly, as Roy glared daggers at Artemis. Then suddenly, an idea formed in his head.

"Come on, Artemis, get ready." She raised a brow, "You're coming with us for tacos, aren't you?"

Dick was suddenly at her side, "Yeah, Artemis! Get ready!"

"OH. Oh no. Yeah, sorry kid, I-"

"Come on, Artemis, it'll be _fun_ ," Roy smirked, chin raised. "You don't want to disappoint him, do you?"

She looked between the two goons, Roy looking quite proud, and Dick like an expectant child. With a sigh, she threw her head back. " _Fine._ But I'm only coming with to make sure that you don't lose wonder boy. _Again._ "

As she climbed out the window, Roy called after her, "That is so not fair, you know how he gets!" He turned to Dick. "Speaking of which… there." Roy watched with some satisfaction as Dick shook the chain of bells now tied to his arm.

"I sound like Christmas!" he beamed.

Artemis popped halfway back into the window, pulling Dick out with her. "Alright kid, let's go."

And thus, our heroes found themselves sitting in the Star City Taco Bell at 1:17am on this fine Tuesday morning, happily munching away at an assortment of foodstuffs. Would Dick be sober by the time Batman came to get him? Unlikely. But perhaps they'd get lucky, and a mission would delay him. Regardless, that was a morning problem, and the trio chose to enjoy their late night exploits while they lasted.

And at 2:12 am, when a group of drunk high schoolers swung through…

"Wally? Is that you?"

"Yooo, Artemis!"

"Goddamnit."


End file.
